One of my surgical attending is intimidating and intense on service, but then says things like this

"I don’t care about what grade you get on this rotation. I just hope that throughout your 3rd year, you remember why you’re here and approach all your patients with compassion. Treat your patients like your family. You’re getting up at 3am to go to the hospital because that patient is your mom… It can get tough, there’s going to be bad parts to every rotation, but don’t let that bring you down, don’t let that stay with you. Take the best parts of everyone you meet, appreciate them, let those stick with you, and develop your own style from there."

He’s totally and completely my attending crush/role model forever xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

Random stuff from the middle of surgery in the middle of winter

• Something I’ve learned recently: seniors including attendings, fellows, and residents are not necessarily right and if you have a different thought, you should speak up for yourself (nicely but still persistent) for the patient’s sake and for your own sake.
• The more I go through 3rd year, the less sure I am about what I want to go into. There has to be a balance between doing what you like and the lifestyle you desire. I like surgery, but I hate the lifestyle of most attendings I see and the patient populations I’ve encountered. But today, I was made aware of the nice lifestyles and the healthier populations that some specialized surgeons encounter (e.g. breast oncology surgeons, endocrine surgeons). I also love that it’s not just about the surgery, but to be a good breast oncology/endocrine surgeon, you need to be strong in clinical medicine—deciding when to cut/not to cut, when to biopsy/not biopsy, what alternatives could be better, and working well with multiple specialties. I want to follow a breast oncology surgeon for a day before my surgery rotation is over.
• I used to go to sleep as a child dreaming about the awesome life I’ll lead when I grow up. Now that I’m relatively “grown up,” I dream less and think about what’s important less. I’ve been pretty unhappy recently, being on surgery rotation in the middle of winter notwithstanding. I hope to find that child inside of me again.
• I’m excited to finally find a Chinese speaking drama that’s enjoyable to watch (我的自由年代). I can finally improve my Chinese in a fun way…I can now watch the most recent episode over and over obsessively while waiting for next week’s episode without feeling guilty hehe.
• Remember that when life is hard, when it feels like you’re just suffering all the time and not enjoying enough, remember why you’re going through this for, why you’re here—remember your long term goal. Remember your dream.